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Star Trek 2.0: This Side of Paradise Rebooted 17.09.2010

Posted by Commodore Mendez in NewTrek.
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Because people won't like big sci fi words like "Berthold rays."

Famous episodes of Star Trek TOS if they were rebooted by J.J. Abrams, et. al.

“This Side of Paradise,” Stardate 3417.3–3417.7
The Enterprise sets out on a grim mission to recover the bodies of Omicron Ceti III colonists, who are assumed dead from exposure to UV rays. But a landing party finds the colonists attending a rave and drinking Coke. Young Douchey McCoy examines them, then raises a bottle and declares, “If any place is paradise, this is it.” Young Douchey Spock meets an old flame, Leila Kalomi (Keri Russell), who shows him strange CGI flowers, the smell of which imposes a state of euphoria on people while also making them really thirsty. Even YD Spock is affected, and his half-human emotions surface.

LEILA
How long has it been?

YD SPOCK
About seven years, I’d say. Do you have protection, baby?

Meanwhile, Young Douchey Chekhov tells one of the colonists who says she loves him, “That is wery kind of you.” Scotty and his pet/assistant Keenser try to make their own brew of Saurian brandy, with hilarious  results.

YD Spock and Leila hook up—just as Young Douchey Uhura beams down. An onscreen 17-minute catfight ensues. YD Spock exposes YD Uhura to the flower, and all three move away into another room.

The spores rapidly infect the crew, causing them to mutiny against Young Douchey Kirk, who is genetically immune to the spores. The bare-chested YD Spock confronts  YD Kirk, who immediately removes his shirt. An onscreen 17-minute wrestling match ensues.

After commercial, YD Spock and YD Kirk emerge from the captain’s quarters, both with wet hair. YD Spock says the only logical thing to do is to create a subsonic transmitter to spread YD Kirk’s immunity to the others.

Later, Leila says, “Do you mind if I say I still love you?” YD Uhura stares phasers at her, but YD Spock makes no objection. Then she asks if he has another name besides Spock. He tells her. “You couldn’t put your mouth around it.” They embrace, and he slips Leila his phone number.

Meanwhile, Young Douchey Sulu finds another clue about a conspiracy to destroy Starfleet.

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