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Who Mourns for Edith Hamilton? 17.04.2010

Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.
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"Would it have hurt us, I wonder, just to gather a few laurel leaves?"

Movie: The Clash of the Titans (2010)
Plot: Terminator versus the Cloverfield monster.
IMHO: The goofy 1981 original film was unfaithful to the myths, but rather than go back to the old legends for inspiration, the producers just decided to modernize the 1981 film. They toss out the wonderfully complex world of Greek mythology, and, perhaps fearing audience stupidity or non-ticket-buying Christians, reduce it into the idiotic simplicity of Manicheanism, with Qui Gong as a god with a capital G and Voldemort as the Devil. Of the other gods, only Dr. Bashir gets a line! Dr. Bashir! The last time I saw him was on that execrable Merlin show on Sy Fy. Where is Aphrodite? Where is Hera? Where is Poseidon? The Kraken may have been imported from Norse mythology, but as a sea creature it still should be under Poseidon’s aegis. They turn Perseus into an dull antihero with an anachronistic haircut (what’s the matter, Marcus Wright, look bad in the extensions?). In one ludicrous line after another, he says he wants to do “this” as a man—but, hey, pal, you’re a demigod; that’s like Spock saying he’s going to try not having an extra eyelid. And they turn Pegasus black, which somehow seems like racist pandering. In short, this movie is god awful. Do not waste your quatloos.
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie spares us notions of poetry, or anything else resembling passion.
If William Shatner had directed it, he would’ve added in a good dropkick, or at least some discernible scale and physical interaction in the action scenes, all of which is missing in the movie.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “We made short work of Apollo. This lot would na’ be more difficult.”
SPOILER: You’ll be surprised to find yourself missing Bubo.
I give this movie: 0 Nomads out of 5

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Comments»

1. Lorissa - 24.04.2010

Yeah, but like. Doesn’t Liam Neeson say “Bring out the Kragon!” at some point. I mean like that’s cool. But I’m sure you’re right. You know, overall.

Is this in 3-D?

2. Commodore Mendez - 24.04.2010

You’re right! The whole movie is a build-up to Neeson, as glowy, glittery, Zeus resignedly but powerfully declaring “Release the Kraken!!” And for a second there, the film possesses the right kind of cheesy, (unintentionally) campy fun it should have been all along. And then it flutters away like all the logic behind Data’s emotion chip.


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