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Where One Man Has Gone Before 30.06.2009

Posted by whatliesbeneaththemightybeardofwillriker in Star Trek Stuff.
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Lindsey Lohan is what little girls are made of . . .

Lindsey Lohan: What little girls are made of . . . Or not.

It should be any moment now. The Star Trek reboot has completed its five-month mission of bringing the franchise where it had never been before (successful and in the ’00s).

Chris Pine, flush with success from, takes a minute to glow. He did something difficult, and decides it’s time for a well-deserved drink. He took on a role that’s been so hip connected to a still living and crazy famous (and famously crazy) actor, risking the wrath of Trekkies (and, of course, Khan) to make the role of James Kirk his own. He walked a fine and perilous line. In the film, he looked and swaggered enough like Shatner to please franchise fans. But he made the role his own enough that he can walk around Hollywood parties with his head held high.

So he toasts himself with a Bud classic. Then the phone rings. It’s his agent, Marty.

“Marty animal,” he says.

“Got some bad news, Pine tree,” Marty spits into his blue tooth. “I noticed something weird in the fine print for the Trek deal.”

“What is it?”

“You know that clause we wrote to keep the movie from getting Shatnered?”

“Yeah, sure. It’s airtight. Keeps him 60 yards away from any film franchise property, gives me exclusive imaging rights to future Kirk projects.”

“Well, yeah, that’s what it’s supposed to do. But there was a little accident in the wording. That exclusive image participation clause has some unintended consequences.”

“Huh?”

“Well, ah, yeah. Evidently you’ve been locked in to a reboot of T.J. Hooker.”

The next 20 minutes were basically a stream of desperate profanity and fruitless bargaining.

Then Pine hung up, wondering if this was karmic retribution for laughing at Christian Bale for being the third guy to play John Connor.

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