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Top 10 Ways to Prepare to See a Reboot of Your Most Beloved Genre Franchise 08.05.2009

Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek Stuff.
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Yeah, I could never afford this. But now I have a nice .jpg of the cover.

Yeah, I could never afford this. But now I have a nice .jpg of the cover.

1. Lower your expectations. In fact, expect to be disappointed. Seeing as Hollywood is the money-grubbing, idea-deprived whore that it is, chances are pretty good they’ve gone and really screwed up something you loved. But you have to see it, don’t you? (Which is exactly what they’re counting on for the opening weekend coffers.)
2. Go with fellow fans. You may have friends or even lovers who are curious as to why you’re obsessed, oh, about some 40-year-old TV show and who want to see what all the fuss is about. Take them some other time. You’d spend hours after the moving explaining too much. For the first viewing (you know you’re going to see it more than once), see it with people who know the territory. You can laugh at the sly references together, and argue at high volume or commiserate silently after it’s all over.
3. Go incognito. You might really, really want to wear your special ears or that mustard-yellow velour pullover you save for special occasions. Don’t. Last thing you need is strangers afterward constantly asking you, “So what did you think, nerd?” and laughing at your tears. Do yourself a favor. Keep the action figure in your pocket and hold it bravely when you see tropes as close to you as family savagely bastardized.
4. Don’t go to the DVD. Unlike the night before an exam, the night before you see that reboot is no time to refresh your memories of the franchise you love. Why? Because you’ll begin to see flaws that you knew were there but never matter before. The reasons we love shows are often ephemeral and have a lot to do with who we were and how we felt when we first saw them than the actual shows. Keep your love alive.
5. Eschew reviews. Movie critics want to be noticed, and it behooves them either to be contrarian (so they’re taken as serious) or gushy (so they can  get blurbed). Ignore the reviews. Ignore your friends’ telling you snapshots of the reviews. The guy in the New York Press hated it! Wait to see for yourself. Then read every fershenlugger review you can get your hands on.
6. Don’t be bought. They will come at you with collector’s glasses, toys, watches t-shirts, viral videos, magazine covers, limited edition personal lubricant. On and on. You know these are bribes. Stay clean. I know it’s not easy in this heavily marketed world of ours and eventually you’ll break faster than you would under a neural neutralizer. Just try to keep your head clear and your hand out of the till as long as possible.
7. Unlearn all that you have learned. Wait, that’s impossible. Why did I even put that in there?
8. Keep an open mind. There is a very small chance it might actually be good.
9. Buy your candy and beverages elsewhere. Just general movie-going advice. They rip you off in there.
10. Rewatch the old stuff—later. Whether you love the reboot or not. Weeks later, after you’ve seen and digested or upchucked the new thing, go back, watch the old shows again, and remember why you loved it so much in the first place.

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