Wha? 23.10.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek Stuff.Tags: Brown tab, Motrin, Pamprin
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Klingon Aphrodisiacs? 19.10.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek Stuff.Tags: Eminem, Klingon, music career
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TV Review: Stargate Voyager? 13.10.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in TV show reviews.Tags: Hillary Clinton, Nobel Prize, Stargate
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"I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here!"—Col. David Telford
Movie: Stargate Universe, “Air,” Parts 1 and 2 (2009)
Precis: Part 1: The wrong people in the wrong place get stranded in a very old spaceship flying on autopilot on the far side of the universe. Part 2: Another alien-so-weird-it-has-to-communicate-through-avatars-of-people-from-your-past (an old sci fi chestnut; e.g, Contact, 1997).
IMHO: Third entry in the Stargate TV franchise nicely strays from the three humans + the other formula of the other Stargate and many other genre shows. So far. But few of the characters are likable or even very interesting. As a franchise, Stargate SG-1 was the bastard child of TOS, inheriting all the humor that never went to TNG. More about adventure than sci fi, Stargate is at its best when it doesn’t take itself seriously, with scripts and stars full of energy and wit. This show, perhaps overly influenced by the overrated Battlestar Galactica telenovela, comes off as too serious, even with Eli as the dorky comedian/genius, and lacking in energy and wit. Still, there is potential, with the tense set-up and the generally-reliable Stargate veterans behind it. Maybe if we never had to see Lou Diamond Phillips again. His cliched character (and questionable casting) exemplifies everything that is wrong with the show. And he never sings “La Bamba.”
Compared to the classic Trek episode “Shore Leave,” my impression is that your race is not yet ready to understand us, Captain.
If Gene Roddenberry had produced it, there would have been a ham-fisted religious reference. Oh wait, there was!
If Scotty had been in the episode, he would have fixed the engines and got everyone home before the opening credits.
SPOILER: Sam/Jack shippers will once again be disappointed.
I give these episodes: 2.86 Nomads out of 5
Newspapers — by Computer! 12.10.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Uncategorized.Tags: Futurism, Singularity, Isolation
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Review: Pinocchio of Earth 2 10.10.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.Tags: atheism, The Office, Tina Fey
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No one looks better in a sweater vest than Tina.
Movie: The Invention of Lying (2009)
Plot: On an alternate Earth where everyone always tells the truth, mutant Mark Bellison (Ricky Gervais) discovers his power to lie, and keeps at it, until he snowballs into the ultimate lie.
IMHO: A quiet, intellectual fable that doesn’t quite gel, mostly because of directing/editing that chop up Gervais’s trademark timing and chemistry, and a romance with Jennifer Garner that just rings false. Ah but Tina Fey is always lovely to look at. No lie.
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie gets a commendation for original thinking.
If William Shatner had directed it, his songs would’ve been used for all the wasted-opportunity montages.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “Looks to me like another one of those Landru computers has the citizens in its thrall. No doubt Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock would make quick work of ‘im.”
SPOILER: There are no jokes about Diogenes.
I give this movie: 2.62 Nomads out of 5
Review: Wrassling for Significance 06.10.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.Tags: David Letterman, office affairs
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Mickey Rourke heads for the turnbuckle.
Movie: The Wrestler (2008)
This movie is like Rocky VIII, except with wrestling. The actors are good, although Mickey Rourke generates pathos just by standing there and letting us look at the history on his face. Marisa Tomei makes my heart tap out and proves once again that I should have accepted her marriage proposal all those years ago. Call me! The director does well by his previous overrated works by playing possum this time. The script reads like a New Yorker short story, for good or ill.
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie has a fondness for antiques.
If William Shatner had directed it, he would not have been able to resist putting on tights and showing us a few of the old dropkicks.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “The man orders a tequila and then leaves the bar. Is he daft?”
Overall: Wrestler Randy “The Ram” Robinson realizes his life is rotten and needs redemption. We’ve seen this before, but the insight into on-the-mat athletics is fascinating, the other stuff, meh.
SPOILER: Andre the Giant does NOT make an appearance, not as himself nor more importantly as Bigfoot.
I give this movie: 2.99 Nomads out of 5
Review: Pubic Frenemies 30.09.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Uncategorized.Tags: quakes, tsunami, Warner Bros
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"When a man's an empty kettle, he should be on his mettle..."
Movie: Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009)
This movie is a cheeky adaptation of an overdrawn, badly written comic book, but it’s still better than any Batman movie ever done by Tim Burton (producer of 9 — FAIL!). The voice actors, particularly Tim Daly and Kevin Conroy, hit their one-liners just fine. The director is a little too happy with himself, and what is up with Power Girl’s boobs?! (Bad enough they made her as doe-eyed as Allison Mack, the actress who performs her voice and mewls through Smallville each week.) The script has some good comic book moments but is ultimately as hollow as Major Force’s uniform.
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie thought this was Ceti Alpha VI.
If Leonard Nimoy had directed it, there would have been more heart and he would have done great voice work as Hawkman.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “I dunna watch kiddie shows.”
Overall: Luthor becomes President. Superman becomes a fugitive after being accused of killing Metallo. Batman, as his love interest, helps clear his name; stop Luthor; oh, and prevent a giant kryptonite asteroid from reaching Earth. The kind of story that would have begun and ended in the front two-thirds of an issue of Action Comics back in the ’70s. Even better, one half-hour episode of Super-Friends. Boobs!
SPOILER: Superman and Batman win!
I give this movie: 1.73 Nomads out of 5
The Return? 23.09.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek Stuff.Tags: Boston Legal, Legal Seafood
5 comments
Aye, aye, Captain
Dear Chuffnut Asterix,
WAIT a double dumbass minute!
I may be halfway into this loverly bottle of Cabernet, but IF we accept that all canon events have changed since Nero fiddled with the timeline in New Trek, then doesn’t that mean that events like Captain Kirk dying on Veridian III in Star Trek Smellerations are no longer valid. That Kirk’s death at the hands of a script riddled with plot holes and a producer and a writing team whose disregard and disrespect for the character was palpable, that that moment . . . is no longer true. Just. Didn’t. Happen.
Therefore, ergo, and in conclusion, I submit that William Shatner is ALIVE AND WELL as Captain Kirk in the Trek 2.0 universe. Well, as the older Captain Kirk, Chris Pine when he grows up, clears up his acne, maybe gets a nose job, not to get personal. (We can also happily conclude that Picard got his ass handed to him by Dr. McDowell and that a planet of people we never get to see or sympathize with get blasted by a extremely fast-acting probe.)
I realize most of you who go around sober may have already realized this. But for me it’s a [insert colorful metaphor] epiphany. In fact, that whole JayJay Abrams’ claim that it would be hard to shoehorn in Shatner now goes out the porthole, since the whole Wagon Train to the Stars trip has been begun again. So Shatner could have been in the movie, since there was time traveling out the ying yang, anyway. They might have been able to fast forward to the future, or even frame the movie with Kirk looking back on the (rebooted) story of his life.
Bringing him back for New Trek 2, however, could be problematic. Since how much frikkin’ time travel stuff can people take? Time travel has been beaten to death more than Walter Koenig’s career. We can only hope they do bring Shatner back. Before, you know. . . . That of which we dare not speak.
Sincerely,
Archibald Footcheese III
Beam Up Alice 18.09.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek.Tags: Kanye West, Neil Patrick Harris
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Review: The Informorant 16.09.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.Tags: Bourne to be alive, Rounders 2
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What does one do while waiting for the next Bourne script to be written?
Movie: The Informant! (2009)
This movie is the comedy version of The Insider (1999) we all haven’t been waiting for.
The actors galumph through their roles, particularly Matt “Marky Mark” Damon, who seems to think he’s in an extended Saturday Night Live sketch. Kudos to Scott Bakula for the hair though. The director, Stevie “sex, lies, and Ocean’s 11” Soderbergh, makes another pretty picture, but no sympathetic characters. The script unsuccessfully uses manic depression as a gag, and 180s from broad comedy to the last five minutes of an episode of Law and Order.
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie consists of various unremarkable ores.
If William Shatner had directed it, he would have made a great Mark Whiteacre.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “A little of the old Vulcan mind meld woulda resolved the whole thing faster than it’d take to reconfigure the deflector array to emit a tachyon pulse.”
Overall: This may have been the only way to make a movie about price-fixing conspiracies remotely funny. But some good moments don’t overcome an inevitably downbeat finale, and you’re left not really sure about what was really going on with ADM, and not in a good way. Kudos again to Scott Bakula for trying to get past Star Trek Enterprise. Let’s see that Quantum Leap feature film already. Not!
SPOILER: George Clooney does not come in and save the movie.
I give this movie: 2 Nomads
