Another Great Butt Plug 09.02.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek.Tags: blog, butt, pessary
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Porque Soy Un Trekkie, Part 1 04.02.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek.Tags: Hispanic, past, Trek
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Yes, the great debate rages on: You got your white Vulcans. You got your black Vulcans. So why no Puerto Rican Vulcans?
My name is Commodore Mendez and I am a Latino Trekkie. And I am not alone!
Note to Hollywood producers: Just because Hispanic characters are extremely rare in the franchise does not mean I cannot be enamored of it. Believe me, I enjoy the little half-assed pandering you do do (Captain Castillo indeed!).
But I wasn’t always a Hispanic Trekkie. Un Trekkie. Un Trekkason. I grew up in Brooklyn too young to watch TOS when it originally aired on NBC. But in 1972 I was just the right age when it came on in syndication, five days a week at six o’clock on WPIX. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy glowed in black and white in our living room. I watched them often as I ate my deeply fried pork chops, deeply fried fried chicken, spaghetti and meatballs, and other very Americanized dinner selections. (Yes, but they were all flavored with Sazón.)
I ate always ate dinner in front of the TV, my third and favorite parent. (Don’t worry, mom and dad don’t have web access.) Coming home from school, I did my homework immediately, not to be studious, but to be able to watch without a single impediment.
“Did you do your homework?” mother screamed.
“Yes,” I mumbled, entranced by the gray worlds pulsing in front of me.
So I saw Kirk, Spock, and McCoy more than I did any uncles, aunts, or cousins, most of whom lived in faraway lands called Chicago and Ponce. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy became, like so many TV characters to so many TV watchers, family. Better than family, in fact, because they didn’t come over without calling and drink the last of your Yoo-hoo.
But even after watching them for years like that, I still would not have called myself a Trekkie.
When The Motion Picture came out, I didn’t even see it in theaters. Well, that might have been because I had no money to go by myself, and there was no friggin’ way my brother was going to take me to see Star Blechh. (Though he did take me to see Raiders of the Lost Ark, for which I am ever grateful.)
But then Wrath of Khan came out just as I finished high school. In fact, if memory serves, I went with my friends Phil Lee, Henry Yee, and Frank Kugler to see it in theaters. There was something about that movie, and something about seeing those family members again, that brought me closer to being a Trekkie. I still wasn’t there yet. That would take a few more movies. And some bad TV spinoffs.
Extreme Makeover: Holmes Edition 03.02.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.Tags: Katie Holmes, manlove, Yoyo
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Suffering from Baker Street irregularity?
Movie: Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Plot: Gay romantic comedy in which Iron Man goes back in time to spar over commitment issues with Jude Law (played well by Jude Law) and foil a plot to take over the world, Pinky!
IMHO: This reboot of Sherlock Holmes as an action hero is a no brainer. But Robert Downey Jr., while always rakish and fun to watch, seems to be playing such a different character than the iconic Holmes there almost seems no point in calling the movie Sherlock Holmes. (But ain’t it funny how much villain Mark Strong looks like the traditional Holmes? Subtext? From Guy Ritchie?! Naaaah.) Rachel McAdams is beautifully played by Rachel McAdams. Entertaining poofery, like much of the director’s man-loving ouevre, but, sadly, the obvious CGI makes this often look like an original SyFy movie.
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie has the virtue of never having been tried.
If Leonard Nimoy had directed it, he would’ve played Moriarity. With a goatee!
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “Aye, and if my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a wagon!”
SPOILER: Scarlett Johansson does not attempt a Russian accent here.
I give this movie: 3 Nomads out of 5
Scotty’s Wet Dream 02.02.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek Stuff.Tags: Butterscotch, Scotch Bonnet, Scotch eggs
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iPad, SchmiPad 28.01.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Uncategorized.Tags: computers, NEW, technology
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Sehr gut! 12.01.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Star Trek Stuff.Tags: chauvinism, poo, United Nations
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Something Gave 11.01.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.add a comment
Be grateful it wasn't another Pink Panther movie.
Movie: It’s Complicated (2009)
Plot: Witty future son-in-law (John Krasinski) fights to save the sanity of his upper crusty in-laws, who are divorced but sleeping together, so that he can still marry into a happily affluent family.
IMHO: Ah, the lives of the spoiled rich. So much fun to watch (see any Jane Austen pic). Their kitchens are amazing but well all know they just have to be BIGGER. In this misfired wet dream for increasingly-decrepit-yet-still-infantile baby boomers, an accentless Meryl Streep and Ab-rollerless Alec Baldwin (legal guardian of Stephen Baldwin), play a divorced couple who reignite that old feeling—even though he’s remarried to a trophy wife. What tragedy! Some cute jokes, and even some minor pathos, but all the kids in this movie are jerks, and Steve Martin unfortunately is not. Props, though, for not having any blatantly token African-American or ethnic friends.
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie is a dead planet.
If Leonard Nimoy had directed it, it would be pretty much the same exact movie, sadly.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d na have gotten up to help if the projector malfunctioned.
SPOILER: It’s really not that complicated.
I give this movie: 1.95 Nomads out of 5
Blue Like Me 02.01.2010
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.Tags: gentrification, Na'vi, smurfs
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"Nightcrawler, phone home!"
Movie: Battle for Terra, oh, I mean, Avatar (2009)
Plot: A paraplegic Earth warrior (Marcus Wright?) is given the chance to walk again by going undercover among unfriendlies in order to get oil, I mean a MacGuffin, but then he decides to betray his species! But we all know the humans will return and squash those pesky ETs next time! Oh, and it’s in 3D.
IMHO: The amazing visuals are obviously the main point, not the release-of-white-guilt plot (“See, we do realize we were bad to the Injuns [or any Other], so it’s okay feel good about ourselves then!”). But while the film’s actions uplift, its contradictions leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Its message would seem anti-military, but, as ever, Cameron loves violence and soldiery. Its message would seem anti-corporate, yet the movie will make millions for a corporation. Its message would seem anti-technology, yet its existence as a film is completely pro-technology. Its message would seem anti-human, and yet chances are the Na’vi probably won’t be watching this movie. Sci fi has always wagged its fingers at humanity, taking you and I to task for for our congenital greed (see just about every episode of Twilight Zone), but humans have generally been redeemable. But Avatar just makes humans look like assholes (with a very few exceptions), so much so the protagonist would just rather become an Other, even if he’s a mutant one with five fingers. Which is not to say I disagree with any of Cameron’s messages, or that I wouldn’t totally go native in Jake Sully’s place (in fact, I’d go faster than he does — boo, humans!).
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie is “life from lifelessness.” Which is to say, the animation is pretty damned good — it better be for the money spent.
If Leonard Nimoy had directed it, he would’ve played the voice of Galvatron. Or maybe there would’ve been a “Why you pointy-eared, blue-skinned . . .” joke.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “Why, Starfleet would’ve sent the Captain to negotiate a treaty with the natives, just as he did with the Halkans. Oh, what an adventure that was.”
If humans ever do meet technologically inferior blue aliens who have something we want, it won't be pretty.
SPOILER: Despite the movie’s pro-environmental message, the audience continues to litter as it walks out of the theater anyway.
I give this movie: 3 Nomads out of 5 (though I’m tempted to subtract another point for the use of Papyrus in the Na’vi translations)
My Girlfriend Made Me Watch 28.12.2009
Posted by Commodore Mendez in Movie reviews.Tags: Latinos, mmmm, Sandra Bullock
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I love it when Sandra plays tough.
Movie: The Proposal (2009)
Plot: Beautifully aging Canadian gal strongarms her assistant who is frankly too old to be her assistant to marry her in order to avoid being deported. Romance and hilarity ensue.
IMHO: Romantic comedies are perfect examples of fantasy storytelling — their plots are more unlikely than, say, robots transforming into trucks. But alas Sandra Bullock is my kryptonite, and she can spend an hour in overalls prepping and cooking pork chops with brussel sprouts on the side, and I would pay to see it. Otherwise, Betty White gets all the best lines. The guy who plays Deadpool is also in this, but his head looks like it got crushed at the temples. Which is what he gets for touching Sandra’s butt!
Compared to the great Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, this movie is “a no-win situation.” For boyfriends, that is. Except for the Sandra-Bullock-is-actually-naked! scene.
If William Shatner had directed it, he would’ve screwed the continuity glitches and reprised his role as Stan Fields.
If Scotty had seen the movie with me, he’d have said, “Aye, and I’d've liked to fly Betty White a few times around the galaxy me-self.”
SPOILER: Sandra Bullock wins.
I give this movie: 1.29 Nomads out of 5 (if you’re reading this, Sandra, 5 out of 5)
